experience is simply the name we give our mistakes

September 14, 2017 | Microsoft News Center

REDMOND, Wash. — Sept 13, 2017 — Microsoft Corp. on Wednesday announced that the Windows 10 software — with a slow start so far in customer satisfaction — will get a new name soon.  Terry Myerson, executive vice president, Windows and Devices Group explains:

“I think most of us at Microsoft felt that the Windows 10 name didn’t adequately describe what we were trying to achieve with this operating system. This new name should make it clear what Windows can ultimately do for our customers and how we at Microsoft focus on getting them the best experience possible with instantaneous, streaming updates 24×7 to your desktop, mobile or any device.”

Windows 10 to be renamed

To celebrate the new continuous update feature, Microsoft is renaming Windows 10 to coincide with the upcoming fall update. “The new name is our commitment to up-to-date software, no matter what it takes”, added Terry. “There’s no such thing as too many updates, at least that’s how we think. Our customers shouldn’t have to wait for something as important as a new version of Candy Crush Soda Saga. If we had our way, you’d have the next version of the Microsoft Solitaire Collection app before it’s even been tested by our own QA. Now that’s fresh software.”

“In the past, Windows Update took a back seat to most of what was going on in the computer, like… running a Word document. We feel that updating is much more important than almost anything that our customers could imagine doing with a computer so we are now putting that in the driver’s seat, if you will.”

Windows Update 10

The newly-named Windows Update 10 operating system is a bold new experience for users. With a streamlined, uncluttered interface, customers should find it easy to keep their system up-to-date and all without those unnecessary icons.

Win10

One of the best ways to get the Windows Update 10 update is to upgrade to Windows Update 10 by clicking the following link. More information can be found at https://www.microsoft.com/windows/windows-update-10-upgrade.

Microsoft (Nasdaq “MSFT” @microsoft) is the leading platform and productivity company for the mobile-first, cloud-first world, and its mission is to update every computer and every organization’s computers on the planet to have the very freshest copy of the X-Box app since we want to sell things online like Apple. All your base are belong to us.

Note to editors: For more information, news and perspectives from Microsoft, please visit the Microsoft News Center at http://news.microsoft.com.Web links, telephone numbers and titles were correct at time of publication, but may have changed. For additional assistance, journalists and analysts may contact Microsoft’s Rapid Response Team or other appropriate contacts listed at http://news.microsoft.com/microsoft-public-relations-contacts. Stop reading this and update your computer. I’m sure there’s a new version that you missed.

windows 10 sucks balls

Seriously. So today’s saga ends with me giving up on my relatively-new Windows 10—based laptop as just a lost cause. Since around November, it’s had its microprocessor firmly stuffed up its I/O port.

The Symptoms

The symptoms began about the same time. The Mail app just failed to sync: no new email.

Further troubleshooting suggested that the wi-fi adapter wasn’t consistently connecting to my own zone and not that of one of my neighbors. Tracking down the correct settings allowed me to definitely not connect to that other zone. Although that worked, still no resolution of the problem.

I thought updating might help. Unfortunately, Windows Update thought that it wasn’t connected to the Internet so I couldn’t update. I could browse the Internet with my browser but it just didn’t think that I was connected to the Internet.

The Attempts

I tried using only the wi-fi. I tried using only an Ethernet connection. Same result.

I tried opening an administrative MS-DOS console and entering a variety of terse commands in an effort to clear my DNS cache, reset my IP adapter’s DHCP lease, reset the WINS catalog, you-name-it.

I tried rebooting. Oh yeah, I rebooted the fuck out of that thing. Still, no-go.

I wanted to adjust the network’s location so that instead of thinking that I’m in a public space, it would know that I’m in a private place. But since it thinks I’m not connected, you can’t do that.

The Research

It turns out that I’m not the only one experiencing this. Almost 70,000 viewers on one Microsoft help page alone and thousands of participants in the discussion. Keep in mind that a subset of the users think that this is an email problem, another just-as-large collection of users think that their Windows Update has a problem, another several thousand think that they have a Firewall problem, another several thousand think that they have an Ethernet adapter problem…, (you get the point).

It looks to me like Microsoft has painted themselves into a corner. If Windows Update now doesn’t function, then you can’t easily push out a fix. You then have to rely upon the millions of users to ask you for help.

The Fix

Fortunately, it hit upon me how I could fix the problem which I now share with you.

buy-a-macbook

Update

Now that I’ve formatted the HP laptop with Ubuntu 16.04 LTS, I’ve been able to spin up a virtual machine and run Windows 10 Pro in it… and it doesn’t have the aforementioned bug.  Read more